So, in all the stories I've been telling, you might have noticed something missing. My husband. He supports me, don't get me wrong. But he doesn't do much of the physical stuff. He's changed three diapers in two months. He will ignore the baby when he's crying and won't pick him up when it's obvious giving him a pacifier isn't working. Mostly he fetches stuff and keeps up with chores. And that's invaluable, don't get me wrong. But it really bothers me that he won't take a late night feeding or sacrifice some of his routines for the baby. My entire life is different and he has a hissy fit if he has to watch the tv in the bedroom at lunch.The worst part about it is there aren't many people I can talk to about it. I have friends I can talk to, just not about this. When I complain, I feel like people are judging him, and it's not fair because they don't know the whole story. Then I feel the need to defend him and communication starts to shut down.
It sucks feeling like a married single mother. He will so whatever I ask, but I'm not good at asking for help. I don't know if there os a way to solve thia witbout hurt feelings, but I know it's hard not to resent him when he's snoring away while I'm trying to soothe a fussy baby at 3 am...
Thought instead of just reading these and lurking around I would comment too. Unless you prefer I didn't. Anyway, as you know, I understand this post completely. I am going through the same issues. It feels like I am a single mom most of the time. I do get some help. When our little one wakes in the night daddy changes his diaper before handing him to me to feed. In the beginning it wasn't like that though. I did everything. I think it was just him trying to come to terms that we have a child now. Sometimes I wonder if the shock and fear has really worn off.
ReplyDeleteI am not telling you what to do but instead telling you what worked for us. You can do what you wish with the information. ;) When I was doing everything I ended up breaking down. So we sat down and talked it all out. I told him how frustrated I was about doing everything and how I wanted help. I needed help. That's when we worked out the overnight plan. Maybe you two can try to sit down and talk it all out.