Road Trippin'

When Little Man first came home, he hated his car seat. We'd get him in it and he would just wail. Thank god he's gotten better. Now he'll fuss if we sit still too long (screw the red light Mom, go!) or if we go too slow. Well, heading to Wisconsin to visit my in laws (a five hour drive without a baby) I discovered he also gets fussy if he's in the car too long. I discovered if I recline my seat back as far as it goes (irritating in my husband's car since it's a knob you have to turn forever!) and turn sideways in my seat, I can soothe him until the motion of the car works its magic. And it does now, within ten minutes of constant motion, out he goes. But the twisted position led to a scary moment. Some testosterone soaked pickup truck was weaving in and out of traffic. My husband had to swerve into another lane and all I could think was "This is gonna hurt." Thankfully we didn't get in a wreck and I am now safely turned in my seat with my seat belt fitted properly. Little Man is sound asleep in the backseat and home is less than an hour away. Life is good for the moment.

Attitude adjustment

Yesterday I realized I didn't need Anthony to sleep better. I said it while I was pregnant and it's still true. I just had to remember. What I said eas "A new baby isn't thzt exhausting if you ignore the clock and live on his routine." And you know what? I was right. Yesterday I laid down every time Little Man was asleep. Last night we had a "bad night" where the longest he slept was three hours. But you know what? I'm ok. I got plenty of sleep. I'm going to try falling into his rythyms for a few days and see how it goes.

Now this plan does have downsides. The people in my life will have to deal with the schedule. I won't have as much time with my husband. My friends (who I already barely see) will have to be flexible when we make plans. And I have to take the stress off myself. I am putting pressure on myself to finish my book (which should have been done back in March), but I need to be more patient with myself. Cause after all, my son is worth any sacrifice.

The kind of mommy I want to be

I just want to make something clear, in case you couldn't tell. I am not an expert. I'm floundering about, figuring this mommy thing out as I go. I don't really have a good example to follow, only what I don't want to do. My father was abusive. My mother was absent and when she was home she was passive aggressive. She did the best she could, and she might have done better before my memories really kick in. I don't know. What I do know is that I don't want Little Man to know what I did growing up. I try to follow my sisters' examples, since they seemed to rise above it and raise two dang good kids each. I try to find the positive, and to make sure he knows he is safe and loved.
I am a little tired of defending my choices. I make the decisions my heart says are best. I think I do a dang good job. Through all the tummy issues, the sleepless nights and the fussiness, I keep true to my ideals as a parent. I try to teach by doing and be the good example he needs.  And at the end of the day, he is safe, and healthy, and happy. And that's what truly matters.

Sleepy time

So I've been asked how I get Little Man to sleep. Since the explanation is a little long-winded for a comment, I decided to make a post about it. I tried to find help on this subject when we first brought our son home without help. Some of the things I do I found in books or articles, some comes from advice friends have given and one or two I stumbled across on my own.
Womb service
No matter what gets my Little Man worked up, a recording of womb sounds is part of my routine to calm him right down. I bought "Sounds of the Womb" from Amazon MP3 and it's the best eight bucks I've ever spent.
Binki babe
Babies are biologically hard wired with the desire to suck. I had no choice about the introduction of the binki because of early feeding issues, but now it's a godsend. Sometimes just popping it in his mouth makes it all better. If he's really riled up and the binki just isn't cutting it, I insert my pinkyin his mouth, nail side down. A gentle touch to the roof of the mouth starts him sucking, and it's not long until his eyelids start to get heavy.
Rock n' roll
Little Man can't resist movement. We spend our nights in our bed, thanks to his cosleeping bassinet. While in there, he prefers to sway side-to-side rather than rock front-to-back. During the day we rock in the recliner. No matter where or how, the movement needs to be big, ricking the chair through it's full range or swaying until one cheek rises off the bed and then the other.
The Beat Goes On
I know it sounds odd, but one of the best ways to soothe a baby is to beat him. A steady rhythm on his back or butt sends him off in a hurry.
Blanket Assumption
Everyone can think if a time that snuggling under a warm blanket knocked them right out. Why would a baby be any different.
There are many more ways to get baby to sleep, but these are my go-tos. I don't always use everyone. Last nught I used womb soynds, blankie and beatings. Tgia morning I swaywd, used a binki ans beat him. Sometimes one or two things on this list not only are a complete miss, they wind up making him mad. The most important thing is to find what works for you. Trust your instincts and don't be afraid to try something new.

Baby Nails

Maintaing Little Man's nails gives me heartburn. His nails are super soft and snag all the time. While trying to clip them over the weekend, I got his finger and felt simply awful.  I think I'm going to put the clippers away and go back to filing them like I usually do. I use the finer side of an emery board at a slight angle (maybe thirty degrees) to the edge of the nail. File in only one direction in a straight line. Because his nails are so soft, this doesn't take much, maybe three passes. But since he is a flailer and recently has started to grip anything he can get his hands on, it's important to keep them under control. And at least my cosmetology is license is being used for something these days.

Happy baby noises and a long weekend

So this week Little Man started making what I refer to as happy baby noises. I think it's baby babble, but what is know it is is stinking cute. He'll coo and make sort of high pitched drawn out  "ah" sounds. Even the lactation consultant thought they are adorable. I'm completely biased, so it was nice to have the conformation.

Saturday was a bad day for us. From midnight Friday night until ten on Saturday night he only slept a total of seven hours. My husband had watched him at one point so I had a little bit more sleep, but not a lot. By the time I got him asleep and in his bassinet, I barely made it to my pillow before I dropped off. I'm wondering if I'm not doing the block feeding right, if I'm giving him one breast too long. I have no idea how to tell if a breast is empty. So I went back to what I had been doing, giving him one breast each feeding, alternating between feedings. It's more comfortable for me during the overnight anyway.

Little Man is the squirmiest sleeper I've ever seen and I used to work in a daycare. He grunts and wheezes, stretches and raises his legs, rolling from his back to his side and back. He'll tighten his arms until they shake, raising them straight up in the air. Then he'll give me a sleep smile and be still, only to do it again in ten or fifteen minutes. It's cute to watch, but when I'm tired and just want to sleep, my heart drops every time...

How do single parents do it?

So, in all the stories I've been telling, you might have noticed something missing. My husband. He supports me, don't get me wrong. But he doesn't do much of the physical stuff. He's changed three diapers in two months. He will ignore the baby when he's crying and won't pick him up when it's obvious giving him a pacifier isn't working. Mostly he fetches stuff and keeps up with chores. And that's invaluable, don't get me wrong. But it really bothers me that he won't take a late night feeding or sacrifice some of his routines for the baby. My entire life is different and he has a hissy fit if he has to watch the tv in the bedroom at lunch.
The worst part about it is there aren't many people I can talk to about it. I have friends I can talk to, just not about this. When I complain, I feel like people are judging him, and it's not fair because they don't know the whole story. Then I feel the need to defend him and communication starts to shut down.
It sucks feeling like a married single mother. He will so whatever I ask, but I'm not good at asking for help. I don't know if there os a way to solve thia witbout hurt feelings, but I know it's hard not to resent him when he's snoring away while I'm trying to soothe a fussy baby at 3 am...

Little stinker

Every mom has a poop story, and I am no exception. Little Man doesn't poop often, as many breast fed babies don't, but when he does it's rather epic.

The first story happened a couple weeks after he came home, when the poop seemed to stop. I'd spoken to his doctor and knew not to worry. I was sitting in my recliner in pajamas pants and my nursing bra, because we had just finished a nursing session. Little Man sat on my leg, his body reclining against mine, enjoying being upright to check the room out. I felt his little body tense, his legs shooting out straight. I knew that meant he was pooping, which made me happy because it had been several days. Then I felt the wetness on my leg. I looked down and realized he had suffered a blow out, a massive diaper malfunction. There was poop all down my front and all down his legs. He just sat there happily squirming, spreading it around. I stripped us both down, gave him a bath and wiped his changing table down with Lysol wipes. As I straightened up and went to go sit down, I glanced down at him in his bed. I could swear he was smilin about the whole thing.

The second story happened yesterday. Poor Little Man had diarrhea (bad mommy had dairy Friday) and was going constantly. As I was changing his diaper I realized I'd left his picu cream (equal parts eucerin cream, aquafor and zinc oxcide we got from the hospital) and sent my husband to fetch it. I knew better than to leave him uncovered so I pulled the clean diaper up from underneath him. As I reached to get the jar of cream in my husband's hand, there was a very wet sound. I looked down and realized I needed another clean diaper. And new clothes for the baby. Apparently diapers only kind of work when they aren't fastened.
I'm sure there will be more incidents, and I will be sure to share them. I'm quite certain he will appreciate the record twenty years from now.

Dairy free sucks

Do you have any idea how hard it is to avoid all dairy? It's in everything. I can cook from scratch, but Little Man is almost always awake at dinner time. So we try to find quick meals with no dairy, which gets aggravating. And the hardest part is it the results in my son's are inconsistent at best. Cheese seems to be safe, but anything with straight milk or whey is not. This means I can't have Hamburger Helper, most baked goods, even gravy can mess with his little tummy. Understand that I'm willing to sacrifice anything for him if it makes a difference. Though he doesn't get diarrhea like he did before I went dairy free, he still seems to have significant tummy troubles. It doesn't help that he has reflux issues, which causes his tummy to hurt. To make it better, he wants to eat which makes his belly hurt more. It causes him to spit up significant amounts, and who knows what is does as far as his digestive system. Poor little guy. I just wish I could figure out the magic formula to help him...

Just venting

As a new mom, the phrase "things will get better" comes up a lot. Well you know what? That doesn't help me. Suggest things to help or say you know it's tough and pat me on the back. I'm exhausted and the night feels endless. Telling me I have months of this to endure still is a cold comfort at best. Yes, I know it will end. I know millions of women have gone through it as well. And I bet they felt about the same.

The fact is I'm exhausted. I injured my neck in the hospital stay and aggravated it during labor and it still hurts. I can't eat dairy so many of my favorite foods are off limits. I'll talk about that tomorrow, I think. Everyone around me is far to ready to tell me what I'm doing wrong. So you tell me where's the comfort in "it will.get better?"

Amazon Mom and more

Did you know that you can get all the baby products you use sent right to your door? Did you know I sound like a bad medical supply company as? But seriously, imagine never having to run out for diapers because the friendly UPS guy brings them to you. The prices are low and they have all the brands you're familiar with. You can adjust the quantity as needed. And the nice thing about Amazon is they're never out of stock. See, I'm the consumer companies look for, who will buy the same product I like until it isn't available anymore. So if I run to the store for wipes and they don't have the brand I use, it will lead to foot shuffling and looking around like I'm lost before I leave empty handed. I want you to understand, Amazon isn't paying me to tell you about this (unless you want to, Amazon? *holds palm out expectantly*) I just think this is a great idea and so handy if you're like me, too busy and tired to run out and get stuff.

On the subject of diapers, I'm a little worried about Little Man. He's not using the 6-12 a day that he's supposed to everyday. He has five or six, but I think I might call his doctor today and see what she thinks. I also need to call lactation so we can get a before and after weight check to check on his transfers. This isn't really a blog, it's a to-do list.

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Sleep, baby, sleep

The night never seemed so long before Little Man. I never knew how little sleep I could function on. I read a lot of articles and baby books, and I talk to my friends that are moms. And I'm conflicted on the subject of sleep. Or, more specifically, helping Little Man to differentiate between night and day. I try to dim the lights, but I struggle with turning off the tv (he nurses for 45 minutes. I need something to occupy my mind!), and not talking to him much. He tends to be fairly alert from 8:00 pm until midnight and I want to interact with him when he's awake. The other night I decided as long as I could stay awake, I would play with my son if he was awake. So of course he hasn't had a prolonged awake period since.

He seems to be having some sleep issues. I started keeping a log to see how much sleep he gets, because frequently during the day he's only sleeping an hour at a time. Yesterday was the first full day and he got 12 hours. He seems to be having some tummy troubles, which isn't really helping. He has been spitting up and seems to be uncomfortable at times. I wish there was something I could do to help him feel better.

This of course raises questions with me and I'm not sure where to look for answers. I don't know if I should call his doctor since it's not really a doctor issue. I've considered calling my Lactation consultant, because I worry it's food related. I tried books and articles, but can't seem to find anything helpful. (Off topic but What to Expect the First Year isn't particularly helpful with a preemie, since they run on their own time table.) I don't know how to help him.
He also makes lots of noises in his sleep, grunts, sighs and squeaks, as well as occasionally crying briefly. I don't know if that's just what babies do or if it's part of his tummy troubles.

Did I mention I worry a lot?