So I've officially been diagnosed with post-partum depression. With a past of abuse, compounded by a preemie, sleep deprivation and a couple infections, who can really blame me? I get very upset (mostly with myself but sometimes with others for "not helpung") if I can't fifure out what's wrong with Little Man. I wrack myself with guilt over every shortcoming and feel like a failure as a mom. But the scariest is the horrible rages. Nobody worry, Little Man is in no danger, this anger is directed inward. During a particularly bad fit, I began bashing myself in the head, first with my hands, then with some books. Finally, as my hand wrapped around the shaft of my jewelry hammer, I knew it was time to ask for help. I called my doctor and after a short consultation I was prescribed zoloft and a few xanex until it kicks in. I love my little man, and I will do anything for him. It's not a permanent thing, just something to help level me out until my body levels out again.
These are not the only symptoms of post-partum depression. It can be a very serious condition, sometimes even life threatening. Please, if you think you have it, don't suffer like I did. What would have happened if I hadn't come to my senses when I did? Remember, asking for help doesn't mean you're weak, it just means you're strong enough to admit you can't do it alone.
You and me both, Sugar. I would get furious, at EVERYTHING. And if I wasn't fuming with rage, I was completely despondent, wouldn't get out of bed, couldn't bring myself to actually care about WHY my kids were crying, just went down the list of things to check/do if baby is crying. Called my doctor after I lay in bed listening to Cecelia cry and was wondering if it was important enough that it couldn't wait until Phil got home in twenty minutes. I did get up and take care of her, but it was realizing that I actually thought about letting her cry for twenty minutes rather than care for her that got me to call my doctor. I'm on Lexapro now, since I'm not nursing, my doctor thought it'd be a good match for me to try. Doing pretty good on it, I had to get a higher dose recently so I'm tracking my good/bad days to get an idea of my tolerance to the new dose, but I've gone back to caring not only about my kids, but myself too... which is kinda weird, I realized I've not really cared about ME in a VERY long time... If only it didn't have such odd side effects it'd be perfect for me.
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