Update (kinda)

So much has changed since my last entry. From talking to walking, everything is different. I now have a one year old so full of energy he keeps me hopping. Someday I will find time to tell you all about it. *sigh* but not today. 

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I'm still trying to update, I swear.

Guh, sick baby apparently sucks out my brains... Little Man has been really sick. He had pneumonia and RSV. The pneumonia is stubborn and won't quite clear up, so they put him on a more powerful antibiotic. And today we discovered he's allergic to it. He's been incredibly fussy. He has diaper rash from Hell (and he never gets diaper rash). But the good news is his nose isn't running and he hasn't coughed much all day. So I don't know if I'm going to agree to put him on  a different antibiotic tomorrow or not. I will call his pediatrician, if for no other reason than to have them mark down that he's allergic to amoxycillin. This was a first I'd hoped we'd never find, if ever... Baby's first allergy.

Overdue post

Yeah, I know, it's late. But I spent a lot of time with family the last week, so didn't get much accomplished. To top it off, a nasty cold is making the rounds through the folks that were at our Christmas gathering and Little Man is in pretty bad shape. We took him to an Urgent Care Center last night and they said he had congestion in his lungs and prescribed a nebulizer. He's still as happy as ever, he just has a pretty bad cough and his nose runs. His appetite is way down. And he's been running a very low grade temperature all day. He struggles to sleep because he can't breath through his nose so he can't suck his binki and breathe. Poor guy. So for the time being you'll have to make do with this and pray I can stop procrastinating long enough to let you know everything we're going through right now. :)

Updates are coming.

So it's been a while, as usual. A LOT has changed. I'm not going into it in this post, it's really just to tell you I am trying to get several posts up. I am going to tell you all about the exciting things Little Man is doing, update you on the sleeping situation, talk about eating and the holidays. So yeah, lots of stuff. But it's Sunday, and tomorrow is Christmas Eve. So I'm going to wait to post until Wednesday when all three of my regular readers are around. ;) So hold me to it!

Always look on the bright side of life *whistles*

Little Man still isn't sleeping well. I've begun some sleep.training techniques from the book "No Cry Sleep.Solution" and though it's only been one night, I have hope. But that's not what I want to talk about today.

Today I want to talk about the rest of the day. My son is such a good baby. He's very happy and smiles more than any other facial expression. He loves people and is the biggest flirt I've ever met. He's convinced waiters and shop clerks are there to fuss over him, and they rarely fail to disappoint.

He's a really good eater, always has been. We've moved on to level 2 foods, so he.gets meats and some mixed fruits. For breakfast I give him oatmeal with cinamon and fruit puree. Lunch is a vegetable puree and a fruit one. For.dinner, a meat entree like turkey and sweet potatos or chicken and mixed vegetables. I tried making my own baby food, but I'm not able to get them as smooth as tbe store bought stuff. He's texture oriented, like me, so no matter how I flavor it he won't eat it.

He's mobile now, though npt actually crawling. He scoots backwards, rolls around and lurches an inch here and there. He's really close to crawling, just hasn't yet figured out how to coordinate the hands and knees. We plan to fully baby proof this weekend, gating off the tv and kitchen. It amazes me how quickly he can move across the.floor and get into something.

The only time he really cries is when he's tired, though he'll fuss a little if.he's hungry or board. He loves kisses and gives hugs, and he likes to snuggle with me. He's in a phase where he.doesn't like men and will cry if.they hold him, which made his grandpa in Wisconsin very sad. And he's big and very healthy. So despite the fact that I'm exhausted and banging my head against the wall trying to get him to sleep, all in all I must be doing something right...

Post partum depression

So I've officially been diagnosed with post-partum depression. With a past of abuse, compounded by a preemie, sleep deprivation and a couple infections, who can really blame me? I get very upset (mostly with myself but sometimes with others for "not helpung") if I can't fifure out what's wrong with Little Man. I wrack myself with guilt over every shortcoming and feel like a failure as a mom. But the scariest is the horrible rages. Nobody worry, Little Man is in no danger, this anger is directed inward. During a particularly bad fit, I began bashing myself in the head, first with my hands, then with some books. Finally, as my hand wrapped around the shaft of my jewelry hammer, I knew it was time to ask for help. I called my doctor and after a short consultation I was prescribed zoloft and a few xanex until it kicks in. I love my little man, and I will do anything for him. It's not a permanent thing, just something to help level me out until my body levels out again.

These are not the only symptoms of post-partum depression. It can be a very serious condition, sometimes even life threatening. Please, if you think you have it, don't suffer like I did. What would have happened if I hadn't come to my senses when I did? Remember, asking for help doesn't mean you're weak, it just means you're strong enough to admit you can't do it alone.

So it's been awhile

I haven't posted in a long time because I didn't want to descend into an endless cycle of complaining about lack of sleep and fussy baby. Because that's what the last three months have been. For two blissful months my baby slept through the night and was very sweet and independent. Then one day that all changed. I took him to the doctor three seperate times because he just screamed for hours at a time. He never wanted to sleep and he refused to take his bunki. The only way I could get him to sleep was by nursing him. Finally we got some help in a diagnosis of thrush. When we got that cleared up he started taking his bink again and stopped crying for hours. But he never went back to sleeping through the night. Some nights he wakes as often as four times, staying awake for an hour or two each time.

Complicating matters, I'm struggling with emotional issues. No, I'm not depressed. I'm angry. All the time. It's generally directed at myself, since self abuse has always been a hobby of mine. But this is a dangerous rage that scares me sometimes. I don't even know what could be done about it since it's not depression or anxiety. The only way it's really effected the way I treat Anthony is sometimes I get frustrated and set him down and walk away. I would never hurt my son.

Developmentally he's doing good. He has finally mastered rolling over. He sits on his own and plays really well. He can get up on his knees and has been scooting backwards for a few weeks. He eats about five ounces of baby food twice a day and we've started giving him foods he can feed himself once a day, like graham crackers, fruit spears or baby MumMums. He can stand with minimal assistance, though only holding onto us. He hasn't figured out how to hold himself in other things. He can make his walker go backwards, though he hasn't figured out forwards yet. He usn't really talking yet, though it sounds like he says "hi" sometimes. But boy does he babble! One of his favorite games is to say stuff and have us repeat it.

He's growing, almost 28 inches tall and 19 pounds. He's very happy and smiles and giggles a lot. Usually if he's fussing, he's not sleeping well. Someday... Maybe.